Its complete

If there is one birth, there is one death. this sentence was repeated many times during the funeral. i tried to be strong. tried to hold back. but i just could not. the moment i looked at my grandma's picture, smiling back at me. i just could not take it. Many familliar faces came to honour my grandma, be it church members, family members and close friends. today was the day the funeral procession took place and her coffin was to be buried.

During the service, i spoke about my grandma. i really still cannot accept anything that has happened. Everything just happened in a flash. LIFE IS CRUEL. my grandma is only 70. WHY THERE WAS NOT A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE!? WHY SHE HAD TO GO LIKE THAT. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO SUFFER SO BADLY. I"M NOT GRADUATED YET. ITS TOO FUCKING EARLY. WHY. she still has my cousin to take care of. she still has reunion dinners to go to. she still has to make " tang yuan's" for us to eat. she still has to make " ba zhang" for us. she still has to call up every week and ask if we are going back, she still has to be there during chinese new year, she still has BE THERE at a place where i usually call " ah ma's house".

i tried to speak. my tone was shaky. i thought i could manage. but i really could not. i had to take long pauses. i looked back at my grandma's picture. for all i can remember, she was jolly joyous and always smiling. she had a high pitched voice. she took care of me since i was small. she had really big bulky glasses. she always rewarded us for scoring a's . always told us to study hard. always gave us money for new year clothes. always made sure we have eaten.

then it was time for the procession. the Coffin was sealed, as everyone looked on and cried.

The feeling is freaking weird. i do not know how to describe it. knowing that she's not there anymore. In front of her grave, the weeping started. all i feel is anger hatred sadness agony.
i sweared that i would study hard, be a good musician, try my very best in everything and will never ever ever ever forget her...

So many conflicts happened today. it made me pissed off. i was so fucking pissed that i scolded my fucked up auntie from singapore. i was really pissed. i just cannot forget. my grandpa cried over it. i'm sure my grandma did too wherever she is right now.

why does life have to be so cruel...

i promise you ah ma, i will do as i have promised...

My grandma...

She's gone.. forever. Its not like the movies where you get to see her before she goes. hear her last words. I've been to the hospital so many times. but i did not go in to see her. mom says she'll cry whenever someone visits her. the last time i visited. she cried. and,that was the last time.

Yesterday, i got the news. i don't know how to feel. i so freaking wanted to cry. i went to futsal. i drove like a madmen. but luckily dryck and yee ler was there. if not i would've wrecked maself. i played futsal. i ran like there was no tomorrow. then i came out, sat there and just thought of every single shit that happened. i freaking cried. no one knew , i was sweating and at the same time i let my tears flow freely.

i went back yesterday. my mom was strong as ever. once i stepped in and look at the coffin where she layed. i totally freaked again. my grandpa was around. i could see the sadness in his face. he was there in the hospital all along.

i'll never see my grandma again..

No more please.

Been few weeks and once again i'm in and out of the hospital. this time uni malaya hospital. It's my grandma this time.

Once again. friggin tubes. friggin tubes.
STUPID FRIGGIN TUBES

the last two people i've seen on this bloody machine passed away. no more please.

NO MORE OKAY!?

Harry Potter

Recently it's been Potter fever. The Book is out today. and the moment i wake up go online. everything's about potter. then ma stupid dumb friend dryck. had his nickname put out for harry potter spoiler d. SUPER POTONG STIMER. i dunno how true issit but still dam potong rite.

I watched the movie last thursday, it was SUPER DRAGGY. talk here talk there. really dissapointed by the movie. They cut like tons of stuff of the movie. and in the end. there wasn't a scene about dumbledore's death. WTH. conclusion. MOVIE SUCKS.

Back.

Been long since i updated. really busy with the events that came by. Tests , Events, garrrh PROJECTS. stupid anthropology project is due next week. Haven done no shit. Headache. Sorry sorry. Now for ma first post after so long.

Namewee Strikes back.





RESPECT. what else more can i say?his singing was pretty good ya noe. shud've join malaysian idol.

Cameron trip

Cameron field trip. what can i say about it. what i love is the weather. the weather and yeah the weather again. and the company of friends of course.seriously the weather there bloody cooling man. really hope to stay there. or genting. malaysia is BLOOODY HOT!

our trip is because of anthropology. some social science subject that i was forced to take. wanted to take psychology at first. this is a stupid seriously STUPID subject

The trip was overall not bad. some really unpleasant stuff happened.

We took a bus to cameron. the ride was NOT BAD if you're sitting in the middle part. if you're seated at the back you're in for ONE HELL OF A RIDE.

The placed we stayed at was total shit. the internet pictures was quite nice. but reality, it totally SUCKED! the bloody pictures were bloody outdated alrite.

We were going to take the bus to the village we weere supposed to go. so i went up to the bas to ask the bus driver whether this bus travels to there anot.

me: abang ini bas ada pergi ke kampung sungai ruil?

bus driver: * very long pause *

me: ada pergi kampung sungai ruil?

bus driver: * points at front of bus* BACALAH SOHAI

Ok FINE! i ignore kao la. once i come down the bus. i saw the sticker. VISIT MALAYSIA YEAR 2007. how ironic

either he's a racist or he's a bloody retard. end of story.

anyways. the field trip went on quite smoothly at first. we asked alot of questions. took alot of pictures. got alot of info. but somehow , someone decided to add some extra touches. by dragging all of us into a 35 bux tour into the so called " ULU" orang asli village.

argh i shall not elaborate on that.

i'll let our faces do the talking.

Thats about it. this is a really crappy post. kinda in a rush. that 70's show is starting!!!